Right now Volvic are running a “Volvic Challenge” ad campaign which asks the public to try drinking 1.5 litres of Volvic a day for fourteen days – as if that were some kind of incredible feat.  Their matey television commercials, shot in trying-too-hard video-blog style and which include the heinously cringe-inducing line “I’m gonna have a little cheeky Volvic!”, promise that after 14 days you’ll feel like a brand new person, or at least an “alert”, “active” and “great” person – a massive improvement on the the dry-mouthed, dopey twat you are at the moment.

Nowhere in the television commercials or on Volvic’s own website does it mention that the Recommended Daily Intake (according to the British Dietetic Association) is actually 2.5 litres of water a day.  1.5 litres of water?  “That’s a lot of water!” exclaims the commercial’s leading idiot.  Well no, it’s not.

Drink half as much water as you should be drinking and watch your life turn itself around, and it’ll only cost you £40, a bargain.  Of course, you could just keep drinking as much water as you usually drink, for free, from the tap, like you always have done.  Christ alive.